Common Reactions
Coping Strategies to Recommend
Frequently Asked Questions
Relationship Difficulties
When to Refer / Red Flags
Common Reactions Everyone responds differently when going through a tough time in their relationship. When a dissolution of a marriage or relationship is imminent, there are many different reactions that peer supporters need to be aware of when helping someone through the process, such as:
• Shock
• Disbelief
• Denial
• Anger directed at everyone, God, and/or significant other
• Panic and anxiety
• Confusion
• Withdrawal from family, friends, work, and life in general
• Depression (refer to Depression section in this app)
• Fear of the unknown – Loneliness – Loss of family and friends – Financial insecurity – Loss of identity
• Relief
• Guilt
• Spiritual conflict
• Revenge behaviors
• Stalking
• Risky behaviors
• Suicidal thoughts (refer to Suicide section in this app)
Peer supporters need to refer when there is high-risk behavior and/or when a person exhibits symptoms of severe depression.
Coping Strategies to Recommend • Encourage the individual to seek out counseling with a mental health professional • Put off all major decisions • If they have children, encourage them not to put their children in the middle. • Encourage the individual to make choices with integrity • Reach out to a chaplain • Join a support group (refer to Referral section of this app) • Exercise • Reach out to family and friends • Get enough sleep • Eat healthy foods • Avoid substance abuse • Make an appointment with a medical doctor if symptoms of depression are not managable and medication may be necessary
Frequently Asked Questions What are some reasons people get divorced? Finances, communication, abuse, differing values, and extra-marital affairs What feelings or emotions may divorce elicit? Shock, disbelief, anger, anxiety, loneliness, and depression Does cheating end partnerships? Not necessarily. Many relationships can get through infidelity with the help of psychotherapy.
Is it better to stay together for the sake of children? Research has proven that if children stay in a home where their parents remain in a highly conflictual relationship, it can cause the children emotional and behavior problems. It is important that the parents-while dissolving their relationship-show their children that they can get along with each other. Research suggests that most children adjust well within two years after the divorce.
How does divorce affect children? Children may have feelings regarding abandonment. They may also have sleep disturbances, anger issues, experience depression, have trouble concentrating, and have difficulty in school. How can children get help? Spend time figuring out consistent parenting with the other partner. Children will be as good and mentally healthy as the parents are.
What will people think of me being divorced? Unfortunately, in today’s society one out of three relationships dissolve and our society has accepted this fact and rarely passes judgement. If this is a major concern, reach out to one of your support systems and discuss it more in depth. How can one “move on” after a divorce? Improve sense of self, be active, avoid unhealthy habits, spend time with family and friends. Consider short-term therapy to help you through the rough times.
Relationship Difficulties
Relationships can be difficult at times, and the dissolution of a marriage or relationship can turn an individual’s world upside down. It is a complex and ongoing process which impacts every part of their lives. A peer supporter must understand that not all relationships can be saved. A peer supporter may believe that keeping a relationship or marriage together is the priority. It is unfortunate that dissolution may be the best option in some cases. Remaining neutral is paramont as peer supporters when going on this journey with the person they are helping. It is not the role of the peer supporter to try and fix the relationship because he or she believes that is the best course of action. Your personal experiences (whether your relationship survived a separation or not) needs to remain out of the peer support contact.
Triggering Events There are a variety of events that can occur in the beginning of the breakup and throughout to the process, including events that can happen years later. These events can trigger intense reactions along the way:
• Moving out
• Filing for divorce
• Getting divorce papers served
• Going to court/mediation
• Unexpected discoveries – affair – Hiding money
• Ex-partners new relationship
• Co-parenting conflicts
When to Refer / Red Flags When a person is going through a dissolution of a significant relationship, he or she is capable of acting out in ways never done before. Peer supporters should not underestimate the impact a breakup can have on the person they are talking to. It can be the most overwhelming experience in a person’s life. Please keep the following in mind and refer to a mental health professional if the following are exhibited:
• Talk of suicide or if life is not worth living (Refer to Suicide section in this app)
• Talk of revenge or violence
• Change in functioning – Work (e.g., absenteeism, working too much, poor work performance) – Social (e.g., isolation, withdrawal, risky behavior) – Self care (e.g., poor hygiene, substance abuse, sleep deprivation)
• Prolonged indecision about moving forward
• Bizarre behavior (e.g., tapping phones, stalking, harassment)